Bristol has been my home for most of my life. I was born here although my parents are originally from different parts of the country. They fell in love with the city when they visited friends here soon after they left the army to get married. In the seventies Bristol was a very different place and my experiences of the city as a child are vastly different from those I've had since I moved back here when I was eighteen.
My parents moved my family to Stoke-on-Trent when I was nine years old. I always say to people that I spent my formative years in Stoke although I guess that isn't entirely true - the last ten years of my life have been much more defining than those difficult years of teen angst. Some of my closest friends still live in Stoke but for as long as I can remember I felt drawn back to Bristol. I can't really say why although I suspect that many people who have chosen to make Bristol their home can probably relate to my deep love of the place.
My whole world when I was a child living in Bristol was the stretch of road I lived on, with my primary school at one end and my parents' church at the other. I have particularly strong memories of a few other places - particularly the majestic Clifton Suspension Bridge which spans the Avon Gorge and leads you out of the city into countryside. It must be distinct childhood memories of places like this that drew me inexorably back here.
I have brothers who have returned. Jacob probably came back for similar reasons to me but Tom was little more than a baby when we left. It must be the fierce love of the city that my parents share with Jacob and I that was the main factor in him choosing Bristol as his home. Lawrence may be coming to university here in September and Franco may even return soon - his girlfriend may be transferred here from Warwick. My parents would return here in a heartbeat if they could afford it but house prices in Bristol are shockingly high and the only way it will happen is if a few of their children end up making good and can help them buy a place. I'm sure it will happen sooner or later.
On my travels in Asia and Australia I thought often of Bristol and the life I left behind here. After leaving for the second time in my life I felt strongly that I would one day return. Two years have passed and here I am once again, finding my way in this great and diverse city and hoping that it will provide me with a living and a direction during a time of much change in my life.
This is the theme of this blog. I've returned home and am searching for a way to live my life which embraces everything I've learnt about myself and about the world while I've been away. I fear I may fall into the old traps, succumb to the ways I used to live which made me so unhappy I decided to leave in the first place. I'm looking for some balance between the person I was before I left and the person I am now that I'm back. I suspect this blog will chart my various successes and failures in this endeavour. I realise I'm still learning, I'm making the same mistakes I made which led me to feel the need to escape from my life in England.
I've realised that it's easy to be the person that you want to be when you're transpanted to a completely different environment and you have all the time in the world to explore yourself. When you're suddenly faced with pressures of time and money and responsibility the rush of life can leave you reeling and gasping for space. The months since my return have sped by, the summer will be gone before I know it. What will I have achieved when the leaves are falling from the trees? Will I have moved my life forward or will I wake up on one grey autumn morning and realise that nothing has changed?
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Hmm. I spent a bit of time reflecting on what I've written here and realised it is rather downbeat. I'm well known for my introspective nature but I'm not sure this accurately reflects the manner in which I'm anticipating the summer. Yes - it's going to be difficult and frustrating at times. I am struggling with this new lifestyle, with my re-insertion into this strange but familiar culture. For example, I'm frequently appalled by the behaviour of some of my fellow countrymen - and I know all too well that my own behaviour is occasionally less than immaculate. However, there are going to be some wonderful moments. Some of them will be completely unexpected. Others, I'm already looking forward to...
It will be a summer of festivals, large and small, mainstream and alternative - Ashton Court, Rodstock, V2006, Farmageddon, The Big Chill. There will be BBQs, house parties, gigs, club nights, endless summer evenings lazing in the park, camping by the seaside.
In the centre of it all - perhaps the linchpin holding it all together and one of the main reasons I decided to come home in the first place - my beautiful sister's wedding in July will be quirky and unique and unforgettable.
Welcome then to my summer in the city.
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